I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
