Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
