I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
