You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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