I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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