When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
