Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize