she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
