: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sorry my hands just texted you
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
