Sponge bath it is.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
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She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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