her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
