We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
