Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
