I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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