have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Did I show you my penis last night?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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