I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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