census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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