i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
