Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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