He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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