her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
