I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
