so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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