NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
