i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
