Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
