She is in my trunk
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
