i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
