I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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