I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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