It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
