what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
