Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
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I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
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Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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