and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
