Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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