You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
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You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
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Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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