from now on my penis is your penis
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
