Your face is a jimmy john
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
