He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
