My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I would ride that face into the sunset
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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