why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
