It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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