I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
