well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
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Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
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I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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