Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
