Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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