A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Pooping to opera.
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