We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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