last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
