Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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