you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
