Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
