dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
