Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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