we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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