Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
