she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
