you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
