If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
