my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
