i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
