Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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