Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
