im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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