Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
