when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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