I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
