I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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