omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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